Category: Humor

“George Bush Is A Genius!”

January 1, 2008
EconomyHumorIraqWhite House
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We all thought George Bush had no idea what he was doing. Little did we know he knew exactly what he was doing:

Thanks to Politics After 50 for pointing the way to this wonderful segment from the comedy of Bremner, Bird and Fortune, a satirical British television program.

Of greater concern, and not-so-funny, is an “oil revenue law that the American government is forcing down the throats of the Iraqi people, which will of course give the Americans control of most of the Iraqi oil.”

Check out HandsOffIraqiOil.org for information on that.

Hilarious George W. Bush Imitation

October 29, 2007
Humor
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Jon Stewart Did It Again

September 25, 2007
HumorPhilosophical
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I’m completely floored and astounded.  Jon Stewart just interviewed Evo Morales,  President of Bolivia on his program.  I have no comment at this time on what was said, or indeed any of the actual content of the interview.  I was simply completely floored and impressed that this man on Comedy Central is once again interviewing a world leader.  Jon Stewart has done it again.

There were no Twinkies served this time.  Nothing of the sort occurred.  In fact, by Comedy Central standards, this interview was rather sublime and serious.  I don’t know the president’s politics.  I simply know what I heard: this man made promises, and he kept them after his election. 

Consider this: when we watch the Daily Show with Jon Stewart, we are essentially getting our news one day late.  He tapes around five o’clock in the afternoon, and generally doesn’t use any of the material from the current news day.  Instead, he and his team spend that evening I’m sure, after taping, parsing the news from the previous day and deciding what they’re going to use on air the next day.

But the genius of this man and his team is incredible. World leaders to come on his show, appear on Comedy Central, and reach a demographic they would never otherwise reach. 

We all know now that the current occupant of the White House has learned nothing in six years.  In fact, if the man ever knew anything about governing, and we must presume from some success in Texas that he did, he’s forgotten everything.  If the man ever knew anything about bipartisanship, he’s long ago rejected that as well.

How refreshing to see someone appear on Comedy Central looking more “presidential” than the current President of the United States ever did.

I’m having a Twinkie tomorrow in Jon Stewart’s honor.

Opus Banned

September 2, 2007
HumorReligionStrange
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OPUSAnother of Berkely Breathed’s Opus comic strips has been banned from many newspapers across the United States. This one features a character who is flirting with Islam preparing to go to the beach. Many Muslim women dress very modestly, including at the beach.

Banning the comic strip, however, seems rather disingenuous. Breathed has been wildly more offensive — and hilarious — on many other issues before, including religion. That’s what he does.

Censorship of editorials or cartoons that may have editorial content does not advance First Amendment rights for anyone. None of us, regardless of our faith background or any other background, can afford to see the Constitution further eroded.

These newspapers dropping Opus will have difficulty convincing readers they really care when they dare to opine on anything controversial in the future.

George Bush And The Nine Trillionth Dollar

August 3, 2007
CongressHumorPhilosophicalRepublicansWhite House
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George Bush and the Nine Millionth Dollar

It’s almost here. Can you feel the excitement? People are already starting to line up at the Pentagon, White House, U.S. Treasury Department, U.S. Capitol Building, and countless other key locations around Washington, D.C., for the midnight release of the U.S. Government’s George Bush and the Nine Trillionth Dollar by Henry M. Paulson, Jr., Secretary of the Treasury Department.

That’s right, literary fans, the excitement is building around the globe. President Bush, under the guidance of Vice President Dick Cheney (He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Questioned) and Director Paulson, has already issued instructions on a strict embargo on the book until midnight on a date in the very near future but yet to be announced. Citizens will be given last minute instructions on where to queue up for copies of the book, which will sell for $45 retail. Advance-order copies are available from Amazon.com and Borders Books for $50. Reached by phone by Larry King, Vice President Cheney justified the extra $5.00 for those who order early by saying, “If you order late, the terrorists win.” Color-coded wrist bands will be available at select locations throughout the D.C. area for $100 each so lines are orderly as the members of the public line up for their midnight copies.

We’re almost there! According to the U.S. Treasury Department, the current debt to the penny is $8,945,504,468,375.99. Less than $35 billion to go!

“We’re very excited,” said Director Paulson, “This is truly a once-in-a-lifetime event. We never expect to hit $9 Trillion again!” This all but answers the questions billions are wondering, “Will the debt ever come down?” and, “Will there be a sequel to this book?” Paulson could hardly contain his enthusiasm for the most famous series of books the U.S. Treasury Department has ever produced, “We anticipate publishing volume both 10 and 11 in the next few years, as long as we can keep a Republican in the White House. Help us reach our goal!”

Many are hoping for some answers to long-standing questions in the new volume:

  • Who will live?
  • Who will die?
  • As the needs of U.S. citizens grow and debt increases, who will the United States borrow from next?
  • Who will the United States pass the debt to when Japan and China finally call their loans?

“The debt is the money the federal government borrows from other countries and it’s own citizens,” President Bush explained. “It’s money that we borrow.”

Thousands emailed the president after this statement, thanking him for explaining the national debt at last.

The White House and the Treasury Department announced that millions have already placed advance orders for George Bush and the Nine Trillionth Dollar using credit cards, of course.

(Graphic: Turning Left)

Iraqi leader tells Bush: Get Gen Petraeus out

July 28, 2007
HumorIraqWhite House
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Shouting matches. Our top people in Iraq are negotiating via shouting matches.

This from the Telegraph in the UK:

Relations between the top United States general in Iraq and Nouri al-Maliki, the country’s prime minister, are so bad that the Iraqi leader made a direct appeal for his removal to President George W Bush.

Although the call was rejected, aides to both men admit that Mr Maliki and Gen David Petraeus engage in frequent stand-up shouting matches, differing particularly over the US general’s moves to arm Sunni tribesmen to fight al-Qa’eda.

Apparently President Bush did intervene on at least one occasion. But, instead of telling Gen. Petraeus to watch himself, he warned Prime Minister Maliki to “calm down”.

One Iraqi source said Mr Maliki used a video conference with Mr Bush to call for the general’s signature strategy to be scrapped. “He told Bush that if Petraeus continues, he would arm Shia militias,” said the official. “Bush told Maliki to calm down.”

“Calm Down”

Yes, of course, “calm down.” Doesn’t Maliki have his own Crawford? Can’t he run to a ranch somewhere outside of Baghdad when things get rough? Has the President of the United States not yet advised Maliki to spend most of his term in office somewhere else, out of his office? Why didn’t Maliki think of that sooner? What a fool he’s been? “Calm down.” It’s so simple – the answer to a national crisis.

Maliki should follow the President’s advice. He should calm down. Better yet, he should declare war on a nation he doesn’t like. A small nation whose people he can easily dominate. Maybe he should just go after Qatar. Then, the Iraqi people would worry less about their own problems, and rally around the Iraqi flag as their soldiers march into this new country, welcomed as liberators and freedom fighters. Maliki could create a world-wide coalition to defeat this enemy.

And financing’s not a worry. The United States will just send more money so the Iraqi’s do not suffer an inordinate burden. After all, Maliki would not want to get tagged as the first leader since Saddam to actually require that Iraqi’s pay for their own college education! No, the United States will continue to pour in more money, and now that Saudi Arabia is on our side, Maliki would have nothing to worry about.

That’s the solution: Maliki should attack Qatar, take the Iraqi’s minds off their problems, Uncle Sam can finance it, and we can all, finally, “calm down.”

I’m Kicking John McCain Off My Blog

July 26, 2007
HumorRepublicans
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Google Ads. Gotta love them!

Turning Left has been a low volume blog for the past few months. Now, however, it is really starting to take off. We have over 500 regular readers! We enjoy sharing our views, but the real key is when we all leave our computers, we must act. We must do. This cannot be the end of the story.

I place some Google Ads here to help pay for the site. That’s a no-brainer. But John McCain has been showing up of late! And I don’t want him here.

I know if someone clicks on his ad, they’re taking money from John. Pennies, but a few million pennies here, and a few million pennies there, and, before you know it, you’re talking about real money!

But I don’t want John McCain on my blog. So I’m booting his URL from my Google Adsense account. Not now, not today, never again.

Oh. And Ann Coulter too. Next time she shows up here, she’s history.

No, not the history she creates when she writes or speaks.

History as in gone.  Not here any more.  Somewhere else.

Don’t Know Who Will Win, But These Dems Sound Like Fun

July 23, 2007
Democratic NewsElectionsHumor
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I don’t know who will win the next presidential election. Don’t waste my time with such trivia. Prefer to work my ass off up to and including election day, and then kick back with some friends, count the votes, and hope like Hell.

But these Democrats sound like fun.

What Republican presidential candidate would open his white-male-conservative-Christian self up to a wide-open debate as the Dems did tonight. From the Associated Press via Yahoo News:

“Wassup?” came the first question, from a voter named Zach, after another, named Chris, opened the CNN-YouTube debate with a barb aimed at the entire eight-candidate field: “Can you as politicians … actually answer questions rather than beat around the bush?”

The answer was a qualified yes. The candidates faced a slew of blunt questions — from earnest to the ridiculous — and, in many cases, responded in kind.

To Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois: Are you black enough? “You know, when I’m catching a cab in Manhattan … in the past, I think I’ve given my credentials,” he replied.

To Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York: Are you feminine enough? “I couldn’t run as anything other than a woman,” she said.

Her answer drew a challenge from former Sen. John Edwards of North Carolina, who said he was the best advocate for women among the contenders. “I have the strongest, boldest ideas,” he said.

Posing a question that few, if any, of the candidates had fielded before, one voter asked whether young women should register with the Selective Service, as do young men in case the draft is reinstated. Clinton, Obama and Sen. Chris Dodd of Connecticut said yes.

The debate featured questions submitted to the online video community YouTube and screened by the all-news cable TV network. A talking snowman, two rednecks and a woman speaking from her bathroom were among the odd, Internet-age twists to the oldest forum in politics — a debate.

A Clio, Mich., man named Jered asked about gun control while brandishing an automatic weapon.

“He needs help,” Sen. Joe Biden of Delaware snapped.

When was the last time a presidential candidate was forced to promise to work at minimum wage? That is effectively what happened when a voter asked whether the candidates would serve four years at $5.85 an hour rather than the president’s annual $400,000 salary.

“Sure,” replied Clinton.

Sounds like a blast. One of these guys or gals deserves to win just agreeing to this format. Contrast that with “W” and his staged town hall meetings and noticeable lack of press conferences.

Can’t wait ’till you’re gone, George. George? Sorry. Think I’ll call you, “Prezzy.” Can’t wait ’till you’re gone, Prezzy. This country is long overdue for a President.

Interpreting the Word of God

June 24, 2007
Humor
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Opus

Berkeley Breathed does a wonderful job capturing the true spirit of some of those who think they can hear the Voice of God and interpret that Voice for the rest of humanity.

Today at Salon.com.

Enjoy.  Some of the letters written in reaction to this comic strip are even more amusing than the strip itself.  I won’t give Breathed credit for summing up “the entire history of religion in, like, ten panels,” as one writer does, but I do give Breathed credit for his observation that some people take things too far indeed.

Paris Hilton Should Have Stayed at a Holiday Inn Express

June 8, 2007
HumorPhilosophicalRant
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Poor Paris. It sounds like it was a spectacular scene. Judge Michael T. Sauer preempts Los Angeles County Sheriff Lee Baca and sends Paris packin’ back to prison to serve out the remainder of her 45 day sentence. We learn from our friends at Salon.com:

And once Hilton’s hearing was over and she was returned to jail, the news was even more grim. “Paris Hilton left the courtroom in tears, screaming for her mother,” a Headline News anchor told us, solemnly. “It was not a pretty sight.”

I have never followed Ms. Hilton’s budding career. I don’t see myself ever doing so. For some reason many in the media, at least, seem to obsess with her every move. Sheriff Baca released Hilton, citing Hilton’s “severe medical problems,” yet never specified what those problems might be. Baca perhaps revealed perhaps his true bias when he said, “Punishing celebrities more than the average American is not justice.”

Let’s see. Our national debt right now is conservatively estimated to be at$8.84 Trillion, 3,504 American’s have been killed in Iraq, somewhere between 65,000 and 71,203 Iraqi civilians have been killed – with estimates putting that count closer to 100,000 and beyond, and we have spent $432.93 Billion in Iraq alone.

I don’t feel sorry for Paris. I don’t weep for her. For some reason this she is news.

Grow up, dear.