Category: Strange

Conservative Poster Child Joe the Plumber is Horny

Posted on by TL

Conservatives can’t seem to find the right poster child.  They’re still looking for the right face to steer their ship.

They tried Sarah Palin, who can’t pass up any chance to appear on television, even in front of the slaughter of Thanksgiving turkeys. They flock again and again to Rush Limbaugh, who wants America to fail.

And then there’s Samuel Wurzelbacher, who, for some strange reason goes by the name Joe the Plumber (Not a Joe, not a plumber).  Sam-the-Joe-the-Plumber wants to make money, and lots of it.  He’s desperate for attention from the conservatives, even though he didn’t really support John McCain in the last presidential election.

Joe the Plumber supports Joe the Plumber.  So, it shouldn’t surprise anyone that his comments “in the ballroom of Washington’s Grand Hyatt hotel for the Media Research Center’s annual “DisHonors Awards” ceremony designed to bash the dreaded liberal elite media,” according to the Washington Post’s Mary Ann Akers:

The Republican’s Working Man hero Joe the Plumber could barely contain himself last night before a crowd of adoring, media-bashing conservatives.

“God, all this love and everything in the room – I’m horny,” declared Joe, whose real name is Samuel Wurzelbacher.

The particular state of his libido was way too much information, certainly for the Sleuth. But she wasn’t the only slack-jawed person in the room.

The remarks did not go over too well among the apparently un-horny crowd:

“Did Joe the Plumber really just say he’s horny?” “Did you hear Joe say ‘horny’?” “Why is he horny and why is he telling us?”

And those were only the comments overheard at the Sleuth’s table.

Joe was all hot and bothered over the standing ovation he received as he walked on stage to accept accolades from the top liberal media watchdog. Len Greenwood‘s GOP country classic “God Bless the USA” boomed overhead as Joe, wearing blue jeans, a black t-shirt and a flannel shirt unbuttoned to his navel, strolled on stage.

After declaring he was horny, Joe mumbled a few other things about being the “token redneck” and the media loving him, and then sat back down in a sea of conservative luminaries that included G. Gordon Liddy, former Attorney General Ed Meese, radio talk show host Mark Levin, Fox News’ Brit Hume and former House speaker (for half a minute) Bob Livingston.

This is your poster child, far right?

Republican Rep. LaTourette Tightens His Sphincter

Posted on by TL

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Republicans in Congress are really searching for meaning.  With no policy to advance, they’ve turned into a side show.

That’s a shame, because we could use them.

The majority of Republican governors get it.  But Rep. Steve LaTourette, R-OH, is from another planet:

“Ross Perot when he ran for president in 1992 talked about the giant sucking sound. Well, today, there’s another giant sucking sound going on in Washington D.C. And that’s tightening of sphincters on both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue as people are having to explain who put into the stimulus bill this provision of law.”

Enjoy Keith Olbermann above.

Steelers’ Jeff Reed Charged with Disorderly Conduct

Posted on by TL

Let’s hope this is the worst thing that happens to Super Bowl champion Pittsuburgh Steelers in the off-season.

Jeff Reed, two-time Super Bowl champion, one of the greatest field goal kickers in the NFL, allegedly went bonkers when he discovered that a towel dispenser at  a gas station was empty.

Yup.  For real.  Police say the kicker attacked a towel dispenser.

From WTEA in Pittsburgh:

According to a state police press release, Reed damaged a towel dispenser inside the men’s room at a Sheetz gas station on Route 22 in New Alexandria after he became infuriated that it did not contain towels.

Store employees told state police that they heard Reed “banging on something and that it was really loud.” The employees said Reed then left the bathroom “using profane language in a loud manner” and stating that there were no towels in the restroom.

State police cited Reed with disorderly conduct and criminal mischief, which carry a maximum fine of $300 and 90 days in jail each.

We have a guy in our town who insists any mention of his name in the press is a good thing.  He’s a chronic pol, always running for office, often running for more than one office at a time.

I have always disagreed with this shallow philosophy.

I suspect Jeff Reed would disagree as well.  I would not want to be in the kicker’s shoes when he faces Mike Tomlin.

Rod Blagojevich’s Flying Circus on David Letterman

Posted on by TL

Rod Blagojevich’s Flying Circus made its way to the Late Show with David Letterman.

The quote of the interview belongs to Letterman, “I saw you on ‘The View,’ I saw you on ‘The Rachel Maddow Show,’ I saw you on ‘The Today Show.’ I saw you, I think, every other show that is in production currently. And the more you talked and the more you repeated your innocence, the more I said to myself, “Oh, this guy is guilty.'”

Enjoy the clip, and be glad he’s gone.

Comcast Pays Tucsonites to Watch Super Porn

Posted on by TL

I wonder if John McCain arranged this little treat for residents of Tucson?  I’m speaking, of course, of the pornography shown to residents of Tucson, Arizona during Sunday’s Super Bowl.

Sorry.  I had to find a way to make this political for Turning Left, you know.

Anyhow, here’s the news from CNN:

Super Bowl fans in Tucson, Arizona, caught a different kind of show during Sunday’s big game.

Just as Cardinals’ superstar Larry Fitzgerald watched himself sprint into the end zone on the stadium’s Jumbotron during Sunday’s Super Bowl, 10 seconds of eye-popping pornographic imagery “flashed” across the screens of those watching at home.

“We are mortified by last evening’s Super Bowl interruption, and deeply apologize to our customers for the inappropriate programming,” Comcast Cable said in a written statement.

“Our initial investigation suggests this was an isolated malicious act,” the statement added.

Well, today we learn that all Tucsonites who saw the 10-second clip of full-frontal male nudity will receive a $10 credit if they call a special number.

Ain’t that America.

Black is Back for the GOP – No, Wait, It Never Was

Posted on by TL

I have to admit I laughed out loud when I read the newsflash from the Chicago Tribune that the Republican National Committee elected Michael Steele their first black national party chairman.  The move is  “a response in part to election defeats that have left the party’s base more white and Southern at a time when the country is growing more diverse,” according to Peter Wallsten, reporting for the Trib.

Strom Thurmond must be turning over in his grave.  And Jesse Helms?  Well, he just died again.

Oy.  Yoy.  And Double Yoy!

So, the GOP is the new black?

I wonder what the Cook County Republican Party will do to match this move?

Let’s meet them.  They changed leadership — and their Web site — since we last stopped by to visit.  Their Web site was previously Republican Red.

It is now Obama Blue.

No kidding.

Here’s their leadership:

The Chairman is Lee Roupas.  He’s white.
Eloise Gerson – City of Chicago Chairman.  She’s white too.
Eric Wallace – Co-Chairman. Yup.  White.
Doug Glick – Co-Chairman.  White.
Judy Diekelman – Treasurer.  She’s white.
Linda LaFianza– Secretary.  White.
June O’Donoghue – North Suburban District Vice Chairman.  June is white.
Michael J. Gadzinski – Central Suburban District Vice Chairman.  Gadzinski?  Don’t ask.
Sig Vaznelis – South Suburban District Vice Chairman. Sig is not from the South Side.  He’s a bit white.
Frank Capuzi – City of Chicago District Vice Chairman.  White.
Tony Castrogiovanni – Vice Chairman At Large.  Tony is white.
John Curry – Vice Chairman At Large.  He’s bright white, and his Web site loads very slowly.
Joe Hedrick – Vice Chairman At Large.  Yup.  White.

Let’s see what happens to this list over the next few weeks.

Will the GOP be successful in their ruse to fool Americans into thinking that Michael Steele is the new Barack Obama?  Americans tend to be smarter than that.  We didn’t buy it that Sarah Palin was the new Hillary.

Thanks for the laugh, GOP.  You made my day.

Curtain Call on Rod Blagojevich’s Flying Circus

Posted on by TL

I am so tired of everything Blagojevich right now.  Governor Blago’s Flying Circus will near its final act Thursday when the soon-to-be former governor addresses the deliver a 90-minute plea to garner support from lawmakers so he can stay in office.

Unbelievable.

I have no doubt that Blago will continue to court the media.  He needs that book deal.  He needs that movie.

Personally?  I’d cast George Wendt as Blagojevich.  Poetic justice, you know.

Blago’s newest best friend is Geraldo Rivera.  Rivera somehow believes Blago is getting a raw deal.  Watch him here on Fake News.

The last hurrah will be Thursday.  Finally.

From the Sun-Times:

The governor has boycotted the first three days of his impeachment trial, arguing in a national media barnstorming blitz that the rules are stacked against him.

Under those rules, the governor will get 90 minutes to make his case that he should not be convicted of the pending impeachment article against him. House prosecutor David Ellis, meanwhile, will get one hour to argue for Blagojevich to be removed.

And when all is said and done and the last gavel has finally sounded on this bizarre ordeal, legislators will return to the task of actually governing.

I’m ready for the final curtain on this one.

Rush Limbaugh Wants America to Fail

Posted on by TL

Flaming Comedian Rush Limbaugh

Comedian Rish Limbaugh wants America to fail.

Even before President Barack Obama (love the sound of that) took office, Limbaugh was hoping for his failure.  According to Faiz Shakir at Think Progress, last Friday, Limbaugh told his radio audience, ““I disagree fervently with the people on our [Republican] side of the aisle who have caved and who say, ‘Well, I hope he succeeds.’”

According to Shakir, Limbaugh said he was asked by a “major American print publication” to offer a 400-word statement explaining his “hope for the Obama presidency.”  His response?

So I’m thinking of replying to the guy, “Okay, I’ll send you a response, but I don’t need 400 words, I need four: I hope he fails.” (interruption) What are you laughing at? See, here’s the point. Everybody thinks it’s outrageous to say. Look, even my staff, “Oh, you can’t do that.” Why not? Why is it any different, what’s new, what is unfair about my saying I hope liberalism fails? Liberalism is our problem. Liberalism is what’s gotten us dangerously close to the precipice here. Why do I want more of it? I don’t care what the Drive-By story is. I would be honored if the Drive-By Media headlined me all day long: “Limbaugh: I Hope Obama Fails.” Somebody’s gotta say it.

Really, Rush?  As bad as things are now, you want the president to fail?

If this president fails, America fails.  There is no other alternative.  The country is in an almost unprecedented financial crisis, inches away from another Depression.  The only people not suffering are the filthy rich who lack empathy, like Limbaugh.

Over 500,000 people lost their jobs last week.  That’s right — 500,000 people lost their jobs last week.

There aren’t enough pain pills in the world for them, Rush, even if you donate some of your stash.

The majority of Americans get it — the time for screaming matches is over.  Limbaugh’s audience will fade.  People will see him for what he is: a comedian in search of an audience.  Barack Obama is not the polarizing figure Bill Clinton was at times.  President Obama is an honest, likeable guy.And he’s honest.

It’s going to be tough being Rush the next four years.  And it’s about time.

Cheney to Swear In Roland Burris

Posted on by TL

How surreal will this be?

In one of his last official acts as Vice-President of the United States, Dick Cheney will swear in Rolan Burris as the junior senator from Illinois.  According to the Chicago Tribune, “Following the swearing in, Sen. Dick Durbin, the assistant majority leader who had initially blocked the Burris appointment, will host a reception in his honor.”

Yoi, and double yoi, as Myron Cope would have said.

I know that Roland Burris is the legal appointee for President-Elect Barack Obama’s senate seat.  I get that.  I understand that Gov. Blagojevich is defiant and crazy all rolled into one.

And Rolan Burris will be the junior senator from the Illinois.

I look forward to finally focusing on President Barack Obama.  The world desperately needs a voice of reason and sanity right now.

Six days.

Senator Roland Burris.

Yoi.  And Double yoi.