Category: Humor

Notre Dame Student HAD Swine Flu

Posted on by TL

Throw another pork chop on the grill; the swine flu frenzy is just heating up.

The Sun-Times reports in a headline today: “Notre Dame student has swine flu.”

Indiana health officials reported the state’s first confirmed case of swine flu Tuesday in a student at the University of Notre Dame.

Although there have been no confirmed cases in Illinois, the University of Chicago Medical Center is “investigating a small number of potential swine flu cases,” spokesman John Easton said late Tuesday. “None of these people is severely ill.”

Easton wouldn’t say how many people had been tested.

Read just a bit further down in the story, and you have to wonder what the squealing is all about:

The unidentified Notre Dame student “has fully recovered and is in good health” after seeking treatment for flu-like symptoms at the university’s health center on April 22, the school said in a statement.

The student has fully recovered and is in good health.

Oh.  So the student HAD swine flu, and is fine now.

Forget that.  Time to start screaming in the streets.  Light candles at the Grotto!  Maybe it’s time for ND students to “T-P” the Dome in panic.  What is the administration doing?  Call in the National Guard!  Put Notre Dame on lock down!

Or, make sure you cough into the back of your arm if you have a cough, don’t touch your face, and wash your hands as necessary.

Rod Blagojevich’s Flying Circus

Posted on by TL

View more news videos at: http://www.nbcchicago.com/video.

This time, Blago is really flying. 

When I first saw the video above, I thought I was watching an actor playing Blago. Turns out it was Himself, suspended in front of a green screen, arms and legs out of control.

Rachel Maddow had a blast with the footage of Blago flying:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

The Illinois Legislature must be laughing hysterically. (If you’re accessing this post from one of our affiliates, click here to watch the videos.)

I have to admit, I was starting to feel sorry for Rod Blagojevich.  Then I remembered his intransigence as governor, how he ignored the legislature, governed by press conference, laughed when I told him we need school funding reform.  And then there’s that senate seat and the indictment.

And then I saw this video: Blago, trying to fly, in a suit.

In a suit, Rod? Really?

Look: Rod Blagojevich wants to make a lot of money, fast.

Strike that.

Rod Blagojevich needs to make a lot of money, fast.  Also, Rod Blagojevich lives for the camera.  In a way, he reminds me of Estelle from Jean-Paul Sartre’s No Exit.  Estelle, recently deceased, shares with her new acquaintences in Hell — or wherever they are — that when she was alive, she made sure to always position herself in front of a mirror.  Why?  Estelle needed to see herself in a mirror… so she knew she existed.

Blago reminds me of Estelle.  All cameras, all the time, or he fades in real life.

From the Chicago Sun-Times:

On Friday, Illinois’ ex-governor was filmed suspended in midair, flying before a giant green screen.

Blagojevich was in Los Angeles Friday promoting “I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here,” an NBC reality TV show that a judge said he couldn’t join. That’s because the series will be filmed in Costa Rica and the charged ex-governor cannot leave the country due to bond restrictions. But on Friday, Blagojevich’s PR agent released a statement saying that actor Stephen Baldwin was willing to fly to Chicago and ask a judge to “Leggo my Blago.” (Or, ask U.S. District Judge James Zagel’s permission to go to Costa Rica.)

“I would love for Blagojevich to be on the show,” Baldwin said in a statement. “He would add intensity and spice.”

Welcome to the party, Rod.  We all need a lot of money, fast, right now. Let Stephen Baldwin find another Spice Guy.

Rod Blagojevich’s Last Campaign: Will You Buy His Book?

Posted on by TL

Rod Blagojevich, who former State Rep. now Judge George Scully said tried “to solve every problem by campaigning,” now wants to write a book and tell you about the “dark side.”

Yup.  This is Blago’s last campaign, the one where he either saves himself, or takes everyone he’s ever spoken with down with him.

The man has not had an unspoken thought since he was elected, and now, many of them have been recorded for posterity, and the jury.

From the Sun-Times:

Former Gov. Rod Blagojevich is vowing to expose “the dark side of politics that he witnessed in both the state and national level” in a book due out in October, his publicist announced today.

The publicist, Glenn Selig, said Blagojevich signed the “six-figure book deal” with Phoenix Books, “run by maverick publisher Michael Viner.” The working title is The Governor.

The Captain of the Dark Side has more to say, apparently. Will you be mentioned in Rod’s tell-all?

Selig described the planned book as a tell-all. The governor, according to a news release, will write about the discussions, the considerations and the factors involved in picking President Obama’ s successor to the U.S. Senate.

“The governor chose to go with a large independent company because he wanted to tell his story without any restrictions over content that might’ve come with a major publishing house,” Selig said in the release. “He simply did not want to accept constraints or conditions on what he could say in this book.”

Selig said Blagojevich won’t “pull any punches” and plans to “reveal information and provide insights that will at times be embarrassing to himself as well as to others.”

“There were some people in high places who didn’t want the governor to write this book and worked to try to squash a book deal,” Selig said.

Well, we’ll see about that.  Blago can say anything he wants, now.  The loosest cannon Illinois ever produced has is now spinning full-speed.

Rod Blagojevich’s Flying Circus on David Letterman

Posted on by TL

Rod Blagojevich’s Flying Circus made its way to the Late Show with David Letterman.

The quote of the interview belongs to Letterman, “I saw you on ‘The View,’ I saw you on ‘The Rachel Maddow Show,’ I saw you on ‘The Today Show.’ I saw you, I think, every other show that is in production currently. And the more you talked and the more you repeated your innocence, the more I said to myself, “Oh, this guy is guilty.'”

Enjoy the clip, and be glad he’s gone.

Comcast Pays Tucsonites to Watch Super Porn

Posted on by TL

I wonder if John McCain arranged this little treat for residents of Tucson?  I’m speaking, of course, of the pornography shown to residents of Tucson, Arizona during Sunday’s Super Bowl.

Sorry.  I had to find a way to make this political for Turning Left, you know.

Anyhow, here’s the news from CNN:

Super Bowl fans in Tucson, Arizona, caught a different kind of show during Sunday’s big game.

Just as Cardinals’ superstar Larry Fitzgerald watched himself sprint into the end zone on the stadium’s Jumbotron during Sunday’s Super Bowl, 10 seconds of eye-popping pornographic imagery “flashed” across the screens of those watching at home.

“We are mortified by last evening’s Super Bowl interruption, and deeply apologize to our customers for the inappropriate programming,” Comcast Cable said in a written statement.

“Our initial investigation suggests this was an isolated malicious act,” the statement added.

Well, today we learn that all Tucsonites who saw the 10-second clip of full-frontal male nudity will receive a $10 credit if they call a special number.

Ain’t that America.